End....

the title says it all... it's then end of a beautiful part of my life..a part which changed so much of me..a part which i never thought would happen to me(at least not so soon)..a part that i shall cherish for the rest of my life..

for the sake of protecting the other party i have choose to not disclose too much about the end..and choose to express truly how i feel at this moment of time..Can i actually express my feelings?? i doubt there will be a word.. sad?? distraught?? confused??? frustrated?? angry?? heartbroken?? More like a combination of all and more... words cannot describe how i truly feel..only i know how it feels..and i tell you its a milllion miles on the wrong side of sad..

2 whole years of toiling, hard work, giving and giving to make it work and it all comes to this..i don't wanna sound like a whiner but i gotta get this off my chest.. Damnit i ask myself what for?? for i love her? i still do and i strongly feel that she loves me back?? but is it enough??? maybe not?? doesn't really matter coz it has ended like this.. She asked that we remains close friends as she still loves me very much..but how long will that last i tell her?? how can she still love me if she met another guy?? another man?? it wouldn't be fair to him would it?? A huge part of me wants to never have anything to do with her anymore..not see her..not hear from her..I know it's selfish but hey! i have a right to choose right??

however a bigger part of me hopes till the end of time that a phonecall would be shown on my cell..when i pick it up it will be the voice of hers on the other side, asking that we get back together.. i know its absurd and a little foolish for me to think like that..for a man must learn to move on..but this strong feeling called love has prevented me to think rasionally.. took away all my sense of logic and made me pray from the bottom of my heart that this would all go away and we start afresh... a man can dream can he??

i sincerely wish her all the best in her undertakings... and hope she takes care of herself now as she has lost her pillar to lean on for 2 years.. better grow up and learn to be independant..i know you already are...

love,
~nigel~