Beautiful song

This is a beautiful song by a band with a corny name..Rooster..

"Deep And Meaningless"

I, I dont know why i miss you so much

Yeah I, I dont know why I still feel your touch

You, you left me feeling high and dry

With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction

And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

If you call me today

Ill say that Im fine

But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice

Its just a lie

You knew what you had

You still walked away leaving me in this mess

My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me

And I, I guess I was too blind to see

Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad

But I'd do it again to relive what we had

(Damn thats sad)

There are many things left to remind me

Of a love that I just cant leave behind me

Random......

REdUnDaNT is the new BLACK

or so i noticed....

emotions..

Why do i still care?? I know it is over and there is nothing i can do about it.. I told myself to stay away.. not bother but when i hear something wrong i STILL go all out of my way and try to help.. Am i just being helpful or are there lingering feelings for her?? i SINCERELY hope its the former.

Many times in the relationship i played with the thought of leaving it behind..somehow we are extremely inconpatible..but in another way we seem to be perfect for each other.. Time when i can't stand what is happenning anymore..i REALLY wanted to leave it behind but i keep telling myself to stick with it..it all will pass..Hence the fact that she not knowing that i feel this way about it.. a patient front is always put up.. ever tolerant but hey, a guy has his right for unsatisfactoriness right??

now that the relationship has gone through a bad patch she straight up told me that it's over..feelings gone.. i mean is that possible?? feelings gone just like that?? a part of me feels that she lost it a long time ago but stuck with me for god knows what reason.. but who's to say that its true? coz the answer only lies in the head of the huntress..

I really hope that i can move on first..before her that is.. sort of a machoism thing.. but as things look like now..she has moved on WAY before me..judging by my lingering feelings and her non-existant ones.. but there may be a chance that she has those feelings too.. (rather wishing it ain't i), but why do i hope she has those feelings too?? why am i being so redundant!!

SOMEBODY HELP ME!!

note: this is an extremely emo post..sorry if it doesn't make sense..i just need to RANT and RANT and RANT!! thanks for listening

The Kelantan trip

Note: tagbox and links will be moved to the bottom of the page to incorporate the BIG ASS pictures below..enjoy

After waking up at the ungodly hour of 5 am, my dad fetched me and Kenneth to catch the KLIA express for our 740am flight.. slept the whole way from KL to Kota Bharu and we had to get to work as soon as we arrived...

Our booth, nice eh..we set it up ourselves


me and kenneth, partners in crime..


yeen ling the pain in the ass..Whoops did i say it out loud?


our LOVELY boss..Ms Janet "do i look fat??" Wong

After adjourning back to our hotel and taking a nice long nap, we took a cab out to look for good food..RESTORAN YATI..It serves the best nasi dagang, kerabu and ayam percik in town..or so they claim..but i don't doubt their claims.. We ate like hell and it all only costs RM28.

Nasi dagang and ayam percik


Nasi Kerabu..

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Nasi Kerabu..the blue version but not so tasty


HEAVENLY nasi manis and a weird thingy filled with santan and a fish head..


the work of us artists..ALL FINISHED BY me and Kenneth

After the meal we went to a local pasar malam..it was a disappointment as there are actually nothin to buy..justa bunch of repetitive stuff that doesn't interest us at all..but guess what.. the taxi ride from the hotel to dinner, then to the pasar malam and back to the hotel cost us RM 44..what a fuckin rip-off...the distance was not that far and ALL the bloody taxis in Kota Bharu has NO meters..fuckin conmen

After the 1st day it was WORK WORK WORK...damn it 12 hours a day in a Shopping complex full with nothing but Malays...And most of them stink too...HELLISH i tell ya.. not exactly full i should say coz three quarters of the day we wandered around the complex or read papers or listen to our mp3 players..even when there were crowds they weren't interested in our property.."Mahal sangat la" was the common response we got.. Damn our boss..sending us there just to hear that 9586745165 times.. and Yeen Ling got disturbed by a local HAMSAP malay guy haha..he tried to get as close as possible to her everytime he comes..and he came for 4 of our 7 days there.. further prove that he was a perv was that he did the same thing to the girls in the next booth..but me and Kenneth was there to save the DAYS!! but not before laughing in their faces..=P

We also found the BEST beef noodles in the country...don't believe me?? try it for yourself... As it was located 2 minutes walk away from KB Mall where we work..we had it for 4 days in a row..it was THAT good

Malaysia's best beef noodles..any challengers??

On the last day.. we went to the beach..beautiful beach..beautiful breeze and a FREAKIN big coconut...biggest i ever had...and we went to the museum to eat Nasi Ulam..It was HEAVENLY and freakin cheap.. 6 HUGE ikan keli's and all sort of miscellaneous stuff cost us a mere RM 36..we can't even get it RAW here for that price...WHOOOHO!!!!!

beautiful sands..beautiful sea..beautiful sky taken by the handsome ME!!


Nasi ulam..raw vegetables dude..


can you see the size of the fish?? GREAT taste!!!!

That's all..i know its a short summary but i am a man with few words..LOL
I really want to thank Yeen Ling's aunts for taking us around..bringing us to eat the best food there is..and IT WAS GOOOOD!!!!!!! The food will be the only thing that brings me back there again..if i ever want to..=P

Yeen Ling's LOVELY aunt..with the handsome and macho bodyguards

Nigel..

Kelantan..here i come..

this will be my last update before i leave for Kelantan..in my dislocated ankle.. DAMN it hurts like hell..but nothing is gonna stop me fr earning this MOOLAH!! lots of it...(to my standards at least)

I'll be working at KB Mall and staying at Hotel Perdana..hopefully these are nice places..i really hope that the time there will be worth while...

i'll be back on the Monday after next..hopefullly i'll be able to post some pictures from the trip..till then.

toodles..

Fuck!!

I dislocated my ankle AGAIN!!!!! and what a fuckin appropriate time to do it too!!! i'll be leaving for Kota Bharu on Sunday...wonder how i will make it work.. i don;t want to pull out as its a really good money making opportunity for me..DAMN it!!!!ARGH!!!!!

here's the story..
i was playing basketball and this midget marked me...he's 5'0''..self explainatory..as i dribble pass him..he tumbles into me and fuckin STEPPED on my ankle!!! *crack* SHIT i thought..my ankles are the weakest part of my whole body..i have dislocated both ankles numerous times through high school...DAMN IT..just as i am slowly gaining progress in the gym..DAMN this happened.. i guess no more cardio for me... back to the world of flabbiness..SHIT!!!!!!!

life's a BITCH.. doncha think??

Feelings...

When this song played on the radio it really hit me.. it describes exactly how i feel at the moment.. i am usually not really a lyric person..more of a melody person..however here it goes..pay attention to the lyrics..

"So Sick" by Ne-Yo

Mmmm mmm yeah

Do do do do do do do-doOhh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine

Now that I'm alone

Cuz right now it says that we

Can't come to the phone

And I know it makes no sense

Cuz you walked out the door

But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore

(it's ridiculous)

It's been months

And for some reason I just

(can't get over us)

And I'm stronger than this

(enough is enough)

No more walkin round

With my head down

I'm so over being blue

Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs

so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have

That's marked July 15th

Because since there's no more you

There's no more anniversary

I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you

And your memory

And how every song reminds me

Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)

Leave me alone

(Stupid love songs)

Dont make me think about her smile

Or having my first child

I'm letting go

Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing she was still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing she was still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishin she was still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

Why can't I turn off the radio?

(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Why can't I turn off the radio?

Driving..

i just did a WHOLE lot of driving..DAmnit it drives me nuts..no pun intended..

yesterday after work at MAPEX..drove Doreen Bonnie and Yeen Ling back home to SETAPAK!!!!ARRGH!! damn far..but i wanted to go over to look for Kenneth so what the hell..It was a fun visit to Kenneth's house and i MIGHT stay over some of the days..ITs a really nice place despite it's secludedness (no such word??) Plus i really enjoy his company..NO i am not GAY ..he's like an elder brother i never had..always looking out for me..can't wait till we go Kota Bharu..

Speaking of Kota Bharu..Damn i needed to run errands to prepare for the trip..after college and some pool...i drove to Section 14 THROUGH a stupid JAM to pick Kenneth up and drove BACK TO SUBANG and endure another hellish jam to nowhere... Right after that we had to go to another secluded place in subang...THEN fetch him back to Section 14..all in all i spent almost 4 hours in the car...DAMn i should be in penang..

On another note....I should have seen this coming...
Should I?? or should I not?? can anybody help???
if you know what i mean

Appreciation

I REALLY need to thank a lot of people who are with me through this torrid time i am facing...THANK YOU VERY MUCH for being with me through this turbulent time...without you guys i doubt i'll get through this the way i did..

Firstly..DAVID Yap Maow Jun..Thanks for ignoring the need to study for ur exams and coming all the way fr cheras to sit by my side till 4 am..though i helped u out a little(just a little) its really sweet and VERY brotherly of you to come to my aid like that..THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Next are my collegues at KIM Realty..Kenneth, Kenix, Bonnie, Doreen and Kevin..thanks for consoling me.crackin lame ass stupid jokes (which i really appreciate) all in all try to make this a better situation for me..THANK YOU VERY MUCH

I really couldn't thank you guys enough..
Next treat on me alright? ;P

Love,
Nigel

End....

the title says it all... it's then end of a beautiful part of my life..a part which changed so much of me..a part which i never thought would happen to me(at least not so soon)..a part that i shall cherish for the rest of my life..

for the sake of protecting the other party i have choose to not disclose too much about the end..and choose to express truly how i feel at this moment of time..Can i actually express my feelings?? i doubt there will be a word.. sad?? distraught?? confused??? frustrated?? angry?? heartbroken?? More like a combination of all and more... words cannot describe how i truly feel..only i know how it feels..and i tell you its a milllion miles on the wrong side of sad..

2 whole years of toiling, hard work, giving and giving to make it work and it all comes to this..i don't wanna sound like a whiner but i gotta get this off my chest.. Damnit i ask myself what for?? for i love her? i still do and i strongly feel that she loves me back?? but is it enough??? maybe not?? doesn't really matter coz it has ended like this.. She asked that we remains close friends as she still loves me very much..but how long will that last i tell her?? how can she still love me if she met another guy?? another man?? it wouldn't be fair to him would it?? A huge part of me wants to never have anything to do with her anymore..not see her..not hear from her..I know it's selfish but hey! i have a right to choose right??

however a bigger part of me hopes till the end of time that a phonecall would be shown on my cell..when i pick it up it will be the voice of hers on the other side, asking that we get back together.. i know its absurd and a little foolish for me to think like that..for a man must learn to move on..but this strong feeling called love has prevented me to think rasionally.. took away all my sense of logic and made me pray from the bottom of my heart that this would all go away and we start afresh... a man can dream can he??

i sincerely wish her all the best in her undertakings... and hope she takes care of herself now as she has lost her pillar to lean on for 2 years.. better grow up and learn to be independant..i know you already are...

love,
~nigel~

Long distance relationships...

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!! i just wrote a LONG FUCKIN ASS post and its gone...FUCK blogger.com

this is a synopsis of what i wrote...i couldn't be bothered to retype everything..i doubt i can reenact wat exactly i wrote anyway...here it goes...

can long distance relationships really work?? I used to justify mine by saying that i have a healthy 2 year relationship..it won't be a problem..but then again..this has been a healthy cum rocky relationship/..HAHA absurd i know but still...

how much can a person change when living in a foreign place?? a lot i tell you..the freedom they gain is like water in the sahara desert...PRICELESS.. do they abuse the freedom, or use it carefully?? more often than not they will be clueless about how to go about using this newfound freedom..they change their lifestyles to suit the foreign culture..thus getting to the point..will the other half experience a culture shock?? to me its not a culture shock per se..but a CHANGE shock...the do's and dont's of the relationship..they way we started and got on...suddenly became blur..Dont's became do's..URGH!!

I hate the insecurities i am facing..i hate the feelings..i hate that nothing can be done about it..i hate feeling helpless..i hate not knowing whats going on on the other side...in the mind...i hate the fact that nothin has been done..(the other side as well) I HATE THE ME THAT I AM NOW!! Of course i put up a confident, carefree font (i have a reputation to protect) but beneath the wall..DAMN i hate what i am going through..there are many ways that one can argue for the other side..and i have done the arguments myself but alas..one can't control how he/she feels right??

DAMN!